We'd been getting reports from the nurses that our son had been 'a bit off colour' at times recently. It's taken a while but I think we've worked out why. He has a boil - in an extremely intimate place full of wrinkles. It makes me shiver just thinking about it. Antibiotics changed to deal with it and panadol to dull it but it flags up again how difficult it can be to spot something that causes him real discomfort. He's probably had it unspotted for a day or two - nobody's fault but it still gives me nagging worries.
Rush of adrenalin when first discovered - a lump there could have been the big C. (No matter what your other disabilities, you're not immune from the things everyone else gets.) Fortunately (in relative terms) it wasn't, but scary none the less.
I can't help worrying there may be other things going on he can't tell us about. He's got a whole set of organs inside we can't see - one of which is an appendix. I've no idea how we'd spot that one until it was too late.
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I often have those moments to be honest; I find athlete's foot or rashes under his arms (he was even sporting nappy rash at one point from all the wetting) and even though I do find it eventually I berate myself when I don't find it immediately and think he'd been suffering a while.
ReplyDeleteAs a carer you can't always find everything at every time. As a parent, that isn't good enough!
Rationally you're right - it isn't anybody's fault. Emotionally it's different - it still makes me feel guilty. No answer really - just have to get on with it.
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